I’m returning

Since the time of last writing I have been to Alabama, Mississippi and Florida.

The families that host us British guys and girls are saints. Imagine having one, two, three or even four stinky, sweaty, sweary morons inhabit your house for a week.

The company I work for would not be able to survive if it was based in England. I guarantee only a handful of people per county would volunteer, and there’s no way they’ll be as welcoming as some of the people I’ve encountered.

In Alabama, Steve the Goalie and I lived in a house with Lisa and Geoff/Jeff and their son, their disabled daughter and their blind and Alzheimer’s ridden uncle and ex-Colonel Rick. Quite possibly the nicest family I’ve ever met. To take in 2 randomers alongside all of that stress is outstanding. On top of that they took us to their lakehouse for the weekend where we swam, tubed, rode the jet ski and scream at the plethora of spiders on show. We also christened our car Heather.

My car, Elvis, got sold.

Steve and I then met up James, Jamie, Kristian, Will and Will for a camp in Mississippi. There I met a child who ran a mile in five minutes flat. He was labelled a freak by me all week. If anyone else called him one they got in trouble.

Steve, Will, James and I all stayed in one house. My room had one direction everywhere. I felt sick. The family had 2 dogs. Later added to 3 when they decided to take in another one they just found somewhere. Oh the wonderful south.

For any of you who are still (somehow) unaware, I’m attending Wittenberg Uni in the fall in Ohio. I will be studying sports management hopefully, if not then it’ll be English.

The woman sitting behind me whilst I’m writing this just sneezed and headbutted the back of my head with the back of hers. Cretin.

We progressed onto Florida where Steve and James and I somehow completed one week in in the heat there. Soccer golf, soccer tennis, soccer baseball and soccer cricket all came out to play one day at a time.

I just wrote one day at a day. Can you tell I’m tired? Mind you you didn’t realise I wrote the word ‘in’ twice in a row in the paragraph prior to this did you?

I’m not gonna embarrass you but you definitely just scrolled up to double check I wasn’t lying.

In Florida (St. Petersburg) I stayed with Colin Kaepernick’s little cousin. Google him if you don’t know him. I was staying on the ocean front. If I didn’t see a dolphin within 15 minutes of looking at the ocean then I must have looked away at some point.

We watched a baseball game. Inside the stadium there were stingrays which you could pet. Ridiculous. Only in America.

Our week off ensued and we went to Orlando for 2 days and 3 nights. We went on a night out before we left St Petersburg and James got a new profile picture out of it. I became a slave to the pu…. as I followed a girl round until I realised what I was doing so I left.

The next day we we went to Orlando. I think. I’m very confused what happened last week I’m not gonna lie. We went to universal studios. I lost my tshirt I wore the night before. I think. I don’t know. But it was new and $7 and from converse and now I’m sad I lost it.

The next day we went to universal studios. I wore a pug tshirt because I’m an attention seeking swine. It worked. Universal was awesome. I loved being a kid again. ‘Cause y’know I’m 20 now and all that.

We went to wet and wild the next day and a song emerged. It was carried onto the night out with us like a mascot, or like when you’re younger and you steal road-signs and put them in your kitchen and your mum shouts at you and your friend Red and doesn’t find it funny and so you have to put it back without anyone noticing. Just like that.

That night we went out in Orlando. It was 3rd of July I think. I wore my pug shirt again, I enjoyed it. The ‘hugs for pugs’ movement was a hit. As was ‘say no to drugs, yes to pugs’. I had a good night anyway.

The next day I got picked up and we went on a hangover fuelled roller coaster to Miami. We were all very touchy and edgy after a night out. I think I could have lost my converse shirt that night/morning in the motel. I digress.

On the way to Miami I booked our hotels for the next two nights. $45 for 2 nights last minute isn’t too shabby.

Anyway I have to board now. We had 2 nights out in a row. We sang crap songs and drank crap drinks and had a darn good time.

I don’t want to come home to shitty drawn on eyebrows and an army of Nike Air Max’s but unfortunately I want to see my family and friends/I have to for my visa.

People who wear neck pillows and walk around the airport are imbeciles.

Thank you everyone (almost) I met in the past 3.5 months. Apologies if I’ve burnt the bridges we formed last year. Hooray if we built a bridge.

Flight takes off in 30 minutes. Have a good day, see you all soon hopefully.

Josh.

#Marksyyontour

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