Day 90




July 4th. My first of many Independence Days in the States. We don’t really know what we are going to do for it. I tweeted many celebrities asking if they could invite me to a party, but they didn’t which is a bitter blow.

We decided to go fishing once again. No fish were biting so we left disappointed and went home to eat some lunch.

Kristian and I played Football Manager whilst Fussell skyped and Steve had his earphones in. So far the 4th of July has been poor. I bliddy hope it improves I do.

I tweeted Georgia, it’s weird that I’ve known her since year 7 when Harry and I were best friends. It’s also weird how Harry is in Australia coaching hockey, to think how many people mocked him when he first started playing hockey (myself included) and now look at him. Good lad.

Anyway, I asked her if she had any space for us boys in her apartment but no male visitors are allowed past a certain time. Or something similarly pathetic like that was the excuse she gave. Regardless, New York is quite far from Gettysburg.

We invited Katie and her friend Lobster Girl over. She didn’t look like a lobster, but her skin colour was the perfect shade of pink. She was burnt to be fair to her. People who live in hot countries should never burn, you know how hot it is gonna be and you know how hot it will be before you burn. At least we Brits have an excuse for burning. We get sunshine fewer times a year than I change my bedsheets.

Anyway, after a few games of Ring of Fire, with which we had American rules for, the girls had to go. This wasn’t because they wanted to, but because Katie didn’t tell her father where she was going. I for one would not mess with her dad; he has an abundance of taxidermy in his house, with which he has killed himself, scary shit. So after the tone of the game went from fun to sexual, as most alcoholic affairs do, they left. Lobster drove us to the nearest bar where we continued drinking for a while, well, a very long while.

I don’t know what we had but I didn’t spend a penny all night, I think. Here is a photo of us:

Fussell and I wingmanned Kristian whilst he was chatting up a black girl, we were distracting this guy that had previously killed someone when he was 17. He got 7 years but got out in 4 on good behaviour. He stabbed someone. He said he didn’t regret doing it but regretted what happened to his family and what he put them through. It’s weird how he told complete strangers that.

A guy called Jimmy got kicked out of the bar for stamping on the American flag. Apparently that’s like, a serious crime or something. We left after that, at about 2:30am and we got Jeff’s 2nd ex-wife to pick us up and drop us off at that house.

I spoke to Brie on the phone whilst I was waiting for the room to stop spinning. I got into bed where Fussell was taking up 90% of the bed, I tried moving him gently but he wouldn’t budge so I shoved him so hard that he almost fell off the bed.

Happy Independence Day homes.



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