Day 54




I’m only in Winnetka for another 11 days which is scary.

I went to LifeTime Fitness in Skokie with Steve and Kristian. We got in for free because Kristian ‘knows’ Jeff on the front desk. This gym is unbelievable. They have everything there. From deodorant to mouthwash, from free towels to a sauna the size of my old bedroom. It was identical to GloboGym. They have machines for muscles I didn’t even know existed.

“My gym has stockholders – your gym doesn’t even have… cup holders”. God I love Dodgeball. What a cracking film. I made this picture on my tumblr ages ago in tribute to it actually, click here to see it.

We had a workout then went to the heated outdoor pool. Steve the Goalie’s wife Rikki was there, which is a bit too much of a coincidence for my liking. She has definitely put a GPS tracker somewhere on his body.

There was a kid there who kept squirting water at Kristian and I, so I went underwater and swam up to him like a killer whale and splashed him. I came up from under the water and he was coughing and spluttering. On the outside I felt bad; inside I was mightily proud of myself. Until he said “you made a little boy cough?!” Well, yes I did, because you’re a wanker.

We left to get lunch. I actually think there are more Subway’s in the state of Illinois than there are in the whole of the UK.

Dave was waiting at the field for us to pick him up; I told the guys that I reckon he’d be laying down in the shade somewhere. I found a picture of him here:

We went to the under 6 clinic and it went well. These things are awful if you’re in a bad mood. You have to be all sunshine and rainbows for 45 minutes and it’ll pay off, otherwise it’ll be hell. 30 children running around all happy will slowly turn to screaming and crying if you’re not on the ball.

One kid tripped over the ball, stumbled and stumbled for about 15 steps until the momentum carried him over onto the floor. Again, I started giggling. He got up, laughed, then realised he was hurt and ran as fast as he could, the length of the field to go and sit with his au pair.

Red and I decided that we’d make a teleportation device, declaring “how hard can it be” we set to work on imagining how many groupies we’d have and how we’d be on the front of Time Magazine. Like O’Donoghue said “the iPod must have seemed pretty hard to make at first”.

I watched the first half of the Oklahoma City Thunder at San Antonio Spurs game with Brent and Evan. Evan went up to bed, Brent shortly followed and I was there cheering on the Thunder on my own. I got myself a Corona and just chilled. I could easily live the life I’m living forever. Not entirely realistic, although after we make a transportation device it’ll be plain sailing from there.

Last night I had a dream that I made a machine that transforms any YouTube video of someone scoring a goal into a real life situation where a ball flies out of this machine into the space in front of it.

Probably more realistic than a teleporter, but probably more pointless.



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